EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT CHRISTMAS,
I LEARNED FROM THE HALLMARK CHANNEL
LESSON 1: AVOID SANTA CLAUS: Whether he’s sitting on a big red velvet throne at a shopping mall, or standing on a street corner ringing a bell, stay far, far away! Never tell him what you want for Christmas and under no circumstances ever complain about your life. Wishes and complaints can have serious consequences.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head could have you repeating the same day over and over until you learn a valuable lesson. By laying a finger aside of his nose, he could send you hurtling into an alternate dimension where you experience what would have happened if you had never been born, or made a different life choice many years earlier. The thought is a bit unnerving, although, it is somewhat appealing to think I could go back to a time when my skin still fit.
LESSON 2: THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME: Flat tires, rerouted flights, and broken down buses, all add to the urgency that you absolutely must get home by Christmas. Luckily there are always cheerful strangers heading your way who are happy to have you tag along.
After being stranded overnight in a snowbound cabin, you realize the stranger is actually the true love of your life. The homeward trek ends with your family embracing your new love and happily booting your selfish, egotistical, fiancé out the door, and smack into the 10-foot-high inflatable gingerbread man on the front lawn.
LESSON 3: THE CLOCK IS TICKING: Whether you are attempting to escape an interdimensional vortex, or desperately trying to repossess your body after being switched with another person, the deadline is always midnight, Christmas Eve. Even if you are frantically struggling to keep the orphanage open, save the local factory from being closed down, or the town from an unscrupulous developer; it has to be done before midnight.
LESSON 4: HAPPILY EVER AFTER: Treasured family heirlooms, tattered photographs, and faded letters that have been missing for decades, inexplicably materialize on the entry hall table. Everybody gets the presents they wanted, misunderstandings are resolved, long lost loved ones unexpectedly appear at the front door, and everyone enjoys an elegant, candlelight dinner together.
Christmas Day concludes with the entire group piling into a horse drawn sleigh that jauntily delivers them to the town square, where they unite with townsfolk singing carols beneath a stately, vibrantly illuminated Christmas tree.
I LEARNED FROM THE HALLMARK CHANNEL
LESSON 1: AVOID SANTA CLAUS: Whether he’s sitting on a big red velvet throne at a shopping mall, or standing on a street corner ringing a bell, stay far, far away! Never tell him what you want for Christmas and under no circumstances ever complain about your life. Wishes and complaints can have serious consequences.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head could have you repeating the same day over and over until you learn a valuable lesson. By laying a finger aside of his nose, he could send you hurtling into an alternate dimension where you experience what would have happened if you had never been born, or made a different life choice many years earlier. The thought is a bit unnerving, although, it is somewhat appealing to think I could go back to a time when my skin still fit.
LESSON 2: THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME: Flat tires, rerouted flights, and broken down buses, all add to the urgency that you absolutely must get home by Christmas. Luckily there are always cheerful strangers heading your way who are happy to have you tag along.
After being stranded overnight in a snowbound cabin, you realize the stranger is actually the true love of your life. The homeward trek ends with your family embracing your new love and happily booting your selfish, egotistical, fiancé out the door, and smack into the 10-foot-high inflatable gingerbread man on the front lawn.
LESSON 3: THE CLOCK IS TICKING: Whether you are attempting to escape an interdimensional vortex, or desperately trying to repossess your body after being switched with another person, the deadline is always midnight, Christmas Eve. Even if you are frantically struggling to keep the orphanage open, save the local factory from being closed down, or the town from an unscrupulous developer; it has to be done before midnight.
LESSON 4: HAPPILY EVER AFTER: Treasured family heirlooms, tattered photographs, and faded letters that have been missing for decades, inexplicably materialize on the entry hall table. Everybody gets the presents they wanted, misunderstandings are resolved, long lost loved ones unexpectedly appear at the front door, and everyone enjoys an elegant, candlelight dinner together.
Christmas Day concludes with the entire group piling into a horse drawn sleigh that jauntily delivers them to the town square, where they unite with townsfolk singing carols beneath a stately, vibrantly illuminated Christmas tree.
And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling:
“How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes, or bags!”
And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more."
(Dr. Seuss 1904-1991)
stood puzzling and puzzling:
“How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes, or bags!”
And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more."
(Dr. Seuss 1904-1991)